I am a little hesitant to put this on the internet, considering everyone has access to it and this could be easily traceable, and i dont wanna hurt any feelings. First and foremost, i do not want to hurt any feelings. Never the less, it wouldnt be right to leave out such a huge part of my college life. So, to my roommates, i would like to apologize right now if you read this, and if you are reading this, i warn you to rethink this, not read this section, and never bring this up again.
Random roommate. This could go 3 different ways: you and your randomly selected roomie love each other and have a great year; you and this person have nothing in common, but act indifferently towards one another and you cannot really complain because you could have it worse (or as my friend describes her situation "we inhabit the same space well"); or you have literally nothing in common with the person chosen to be your roommate and want to shoot yourself in the foot every moment of every day. Well, not only do i have 1 random roommate, i have 2. And we fit into the third category if you ask me. And there lies the problem: if you ask me i will say it is misery. But if you ask either of them, we are living happily in category 1 where we are all besties and stay up all night telling stories and braiding each others hair and will be in each others weddings. Nope.
So why do i feel this way you ask? I will tell you.
It all started back in the first week of school. My first week of college. I was nervous. I was homesick. I was scared about going away for school. The first week of school i would take showers just so i could cry. So yeah, that's how i was feeling. I have not shared a room since i was a little kid, and I am the type of person that needs space every once in a while, so i knew this was going to be a struggle from the beginning. But i was not prepared for what i would have to face, and continue to face today.
Its 5:30 am. A quiet and still bedroom slightly below room temperature (because the thermostat is fucked up). I am wrapped up in my covers. I am lost somewhere in a dream just coming out of REM sleep. (yes i know about sleep cycles) and then I am suddenly awoken to one of the worse modern love songs of all time: "fine by me." Im sure this song reminds her of her wonderful boyfriend and love of her life. So of course it is the most appropriate song to wake up to. So yes there i was, sitting up in my bed glaring at the source of the noise, my roommates phone. we will call this roommate "roommate number 1" and will refer to her like this from now on. again, i dont wanna hurt any feelings. So im thinking, when is this girl going to wake up and turn that shit off? the refrain had played through twice before she sat up and turned it off. then, she did something i will forever remember as one of the worst things she's ever done: she kissed a picture of her boyfriend and said, "good morning my love." my mouth just sat there hanging wide open, in shock. This bitch had woken me up 2 hours before i needed to be awake and i was livid. So i lay back down and try not to yell at roommate number 1. Then i hear the buttons being pushed on a microwave setting a time. Of course roommate 1 had to purchase the loudest microwave on the planet. But was this girl for real? she was actually using the worlds loudest microwave at 5:30 in the morning?! Yes, she was. Roommate number 1 needed her oatmeal. If that wasnt enough, this girl changed her outfit 9 times!!! and loudly i might add!
Rommate number 1 also has some bad habits i should address. She burps--all the time. When i say "excuse you" in my most serious tone, she laughs a hysterical laugh and then calls me a silly goose. She hogs the fridge, the one that i bought! She lets food literally rot in said fridge. she calls me Sa-wa. My name is sara. i refuse to respond to sa-wa. All she talks about is her boyfriend and their relationship and blah blah blah. Let me tell you a little something about their relationship: it is similar to one i had in second grade and it is annoying as hell. There are love notes all around our room. she is always on the phone with him, telling him EVERY. SINGLE. THING. that happened to her that day. Roommate number 1 does not cuss, instead resorting to mature words like "fart" or "poopy." Roommate number 1 lives in a fantasy world. She is one of the most naive people i have ever met, and thats saying something. She is always telling me to "suck it" if she has finished her homework or "you suck" if i do not have homework that day and she does. Im sorry, but what? I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT IF YOU HAVE YOUR HOMEWORK FINISHED. I ALSO DONT LIKE WHEN YOU TELL ME I SUCK BECAUSE CLEARLY I ROCK. Leave me alone.
Roommate number 2 is horrible but in a very different way. I would say that i relate to roommate 2 a bit more, but there lies the problem. Once roommate number 2 starts talking, there is no stopping it. It doesnt matter if im laying in bed with my eyes closed, sitting with headphones on, or literally sitting in the bathroom stall, roommate number 2 wants to tell me her life story, and she is going to. Roommmate number 2 talks in a german accent with a hint of russian in it-im sure she doesnt know she's adding a russian twang, but to a trained ear (mine-im the queen of accents) its just poorly executed. Roommate number 2 is one of the most negative people alive. Im not sure if life has made her this way through her misfortunes, or she has just been this way forever? It could be both. But roommate number 2 only has negative things to say about anyone. Her teachers, family members, random people on the street-"what were they thinking! Die! Like who are you?!" are among her most popular phrases right now, and she uses them excessively. Roommate number 2 always say "fuck you" to me and i think it is to impress people, considering she usually only says it when other people are around. it is usually overkill and not needed. ok and yeah, im not a pussy but it hurts my feelings :( its just so abrupt and unnecessary. And i suspect it was roommate number 2 who was leaving open used! tampons in the bathroom trashcan. wrap that shit up! we did have a meeting about it, no one stepped forward, but i still have my suspicions...
I could go on and on forever about good ole roommate number 1 and 2, but who wants to hear about that? Well i guess if you didnt want to you wouldnt be reading this. So i guess there will have to be a second installment of the roommate memoirs. keep your seats folks, theres way more where this came from.
Oh just some real life snap chats sent to my friends that perfectly illustrate my struggles.
this is real life
unfortunately
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